Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Residents of the Outer Wards: Are You Elite?

Residents of the Outer Wards:

The King is constantly being asked: how do I become elite? Well, I am and you can too!


Take this special test and see if you have what it takes 'to be elite in the Core':

1. Who is your favorite Mayor of Annapolis?
a) Amos Garrett, except for his pesky dog.
b) Ellen Moyer, first term.
c) Ellen Moyer, second term.
d) Ellen Moyer, third term.

2. How many endangered Argali mountain sheep have you illegally shot on your trips to the Russian steppe?
a) Argali Sheep? None, zero, zip. The sheep I shot only looked like an Argali. It was actually a feral Merino. Please talk to my attorney.
b) 0 – 50.
c) 50 +.
d) I never shoot sheep. I pay my man servant to.

3. What is your net worth?
a) $1 billion plus.
b) $100 million to $1 billion.
c) Zero to $100 million.
d) Negative.

4. When was the last time you were in Eastport?
a) Never.
b) I live there.
c) I keep a boat there.
d) I never visit. I pay my man servant to.

5. Who is the Fifth Earl Viscount Lindley Farthingham?
a) A distant relative.
b) Dick Israel's original name.
c) The former Alderman from Ward 7.
d) Me.

6. Are you in favor of 2 am bar closings?
a) Only for my friends.
b) No, never.
c) Only in Eastport.
d) Who cares? I drink at home alone and at night.

7. Where do you park?
a) In my garage.
b) On the street.
c) In Hillman garage.
d) I never park. I pay my man servant to.

8. Who is your favorite President?
a) Jefferson Davis.
b) George Washington.
c) George W. Bush.
d) Idi Amin Dada of Uganda.

9. What are your columns made of?
a) Plastic.
b) Fast growth pine.
c) The finest mahogany.
d) The drawings say wood. Now get off my damn porch!

Pencils down.


Now score yourselves. For every (a) answer you get 5 points. For every (d) answer you get 10 points. And you get nothing for (b)s and (c)s.

- 80 to 90 Points - You are in! Fuel up the G5 and I'll see you in La Cap.
- 60 to 75 Points - Some questions remain. We'll put you in the pile for future consideration. In 2045.
- 55 to 40 Points - Time to move our of your parent's basement. Eastport awaits.
- Less than 40 Points - No need to move. Mom will have dinner ready soon.

I sincerely hopes this helps clarify your social status.

King of George


  1. OMG. My life is over. I am not elite.

    I will end it all from the Spa Creek bridge.

  2. Jazzy here

    i am not elite and i do not want to be

    i am a man of the people

  3. Grow up guys. You can apply your social principles to any municipality on planet earth. The haves and have-nots always and forever will exist.

  4. It is amusing that people feel that Annapolis is a "wealthy enclave". Yes there are a few wealthy people, but although the city is old, most of the money is new.

    Want old aristocracy, look to Litchfield County CT or even the Hamptons

  5. Dearest Readers:

    Yes, on occasion we try to explore the roots of entitlement and elitism here. I do believe most of it is a self perception. When we believe we are something it is often more powerful that acually being it.

    King of George

  6. Dear King of George,

    I would put forth outer wards need not apply.

    Our closest neighbor, Eastport, is a destination across Spa Creek for recently divorced men of the Core in mid life crisis complete with water stained penny loafers all sullied with paint.

    They of course have their shirttails loose while seeking trophy wives to go along with their prize yachts & drink a little too much and generally lead rather wanton lives.

    It is a shameful and somewhat sad existence they lead over there across the bridge in so called freedom.

  7. Dear K. of G.,

    Can't we get rid of that fellow Weikel and send him over to Eastport? He is really not one of us as he refuses to be subject to our shunning by the grand and good people of the historic core. He has that incorrigble Eastport woman Ellen Moyer as a cohort and adviser and this is certainly beyond the pale, n'est ce pas? Plus he won't fix that dangling gutter on Conduit Street -- he is so sloppy...

    I vote for the public drawing and quartering option at City Dock - or at least tarring and feathering.

  8. The fantastic horns of Argali sheep (specially males) are highly prized by hunters which has put pressure on some wild populations, although a more serious threat is habitat loss from the grazing of domestic sheep.